"Being a Kindergarten Parent"

A talk give by Rhiannon Duggan, May 2004

"I am the parent of Dylan and used to run the Mulberry Tree Mother and Toddler Group. Dylan comes three times a week to Mulberry Tree Kindergarten. I have had experience of parenting Dylan, who is 3 1/2, while he has been at home fulltime, while he has been at state pre-school and while he has been at kindergarten. For caring, involved parents, all educational systems have their responsibilities and involvement, committees, fundraising and their stresses. But Mulberry Tree is different.

As Kindergarten parents, David and I have a part to play in the running of the group; not as much as many others for various reasons, but we go to meetings, give opinions, talk about it to our friends, make posters, fundraise, wash tea towels, wash Dylan's clothes after the walks, wash Dylan after the walks! But these practical considerations are not all of it by a long chalk.

Kindergarten is an extension and a completion of how we try to live at home. It is - after all - very like home with play and baking and drawing and imagination. It is somewhere we send Dylan because we believe in the rhythm that Clare and Jane create and what that rhythm gives to Dylan.

Being a parent therefore I actively uphold it as well as I can. I have read and learnt about the festivals and ones that we didn't incorporate before we celebrate now - very very simply. We keep a part of the kitchen table as our "garden" - whether it be spring, summer, autumn or winter. It is transformed at Christmas, Easter and other major occasions. We keep the day as regular as we can with mealtimes and bedtimes and also naps or times of quiet. We uphold things at kindy by not having the TV on until Dylan is in bed, by choosing carefully books and toys and by trying to have wood, natural fibres and imaginative toys as much as possible.

All of this is what we give to Dylan and to the kindergarten but we've learnt an awful lot too and I think that this is where being a kindy parent is so amazing.

I have learnt about how to be with my children in a simple way. I have learnt how to refuse pressure to conform because people are there to support what we try to do. I have met people whose kids are a joy to mix with. I have begun, through Toddler Group to discover my creative side - simple though it is - and to have confidence in expressing it, I have even at times felt really excited and proud of what I have made. I've learnt that (at least when they are young) children are delighted with what you can create in the house through nature and craft.

I see that the unhurried and unpressured approach allows growth at least equal to his school peers and quite possibly beyond. I feel also a pride as a kindergarten parent when I often have to account for what we do to friends and family. That causes us to be aware and to delve into what we want and believe for our family. I feel that kindergarten supports family life in a simple and beautiful way and I like to be at parent's evenings when we sit down and learn about our child's journey and how the development of a child is seen through the Steiner philosophy.

Dylan's birthday has been simply and beautifully expressed by Clare and held by his peers with gifts from nature. I have felt, as a parent, a real care and focus on my son and on his essential being and spirit through Clare and her story on his birthday. It is that specialness and care of Dylan as an individual that I value as a kindergarten parent. It's not about what he can achieve but who is is that counts. Finally I really like it that I feel stimulated by it all and that I constantly learn and grow too."